


To Sew A Liar

by Aimandfire



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fainting, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mouth Sewn Shut, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sewing, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aimandfire/pseuds/Aimandfire
Summary: For a side whos incharge of self-preservation sewing ones lips shut seems counterproductive. Usually Deceit would agree, but he swears his action are only to help Thomas.
Comments: 21
Kudos: 199





	To Sew A Liar

Deceit was tentatively practicing expressions in the mirror, with an odd fascination with the expression of his mouth. He smiled, frowneded, and made every expression he could think of. It was now time to decide what expression he wanted to be in for the rest of his life. 

Deceit knew what he stood for. He knew he was a liar, knew he would always be a liar. Even if the others let him in their famILY he knew he was different. They were honest, all of them. Even Virgil, and Remus was almost too honest. It wasn't something Deceit understood, but something they all valued. They all wanted ‘honesty’ they all wanted the ‘truth’. They didn’t want him.

Patton was the glue that held everyone together. Logan was literally Thomas’s knowledge. Virgil is Thomas’s anxiety but not just that, he was also self-preservation and kept everyone in check. Roman and Remus were creativity, Thomas’s litteral job and his main personality traits. There were even two of them, it is such an important trait.

Then that left Deceit. What was his worth? He was just a liar. Acting? Roman and even Remus could do that just fine. Self preservation? Virgil and even Logan could do that. Strictly speaking he was unnecessary. Even the others could lie when needed. 

For some reason the others wanted Deceit around. He wouldn't duck out, not yet at least. The others wanted him to stay, so he would stay. He would just fix himself.

Deceit let him face rest into a slight smile, satisfied with his appearance. It’s hard to get his smile to be genuine, even if it is. For some reason he always looks shady, but somehow he finally got it right. His face rested in a modest smile, one he decided he would be happy with. 

Deceit knew he had to be careful. Dabbing disinfectant around his mouth and on his needle. The last thing he needed was to get an infection, no way of knowing how it would effect Thomas. Slowly, very very slowly, Deceit pricks his lips with a threaded needle. He pauses to fix his grimince and continues. 

The process is slow and painful. Deceit is careful not to drop his smile as the needle sews it shut. It takes an hour and his mouth is bloodied but it’s done. He’s dizzy, he feels sick, and he’s fighting the desire to puke but it’s done. With a final knot he seals his lips and lies away, hopefully forever.

Yet Deceit still can’t shake the pain. He silently cries and curls on his bed, praying that it would go away. He was sure to have some painkillers before but it still hurt. Yet even more so was the fact he couldn’t speak. He refused to regret his decision, but was still upset. The only thing he could think was the fact that he would never be able to laugh again.

Deceit stilled at a rapid knock on his door and he suddenly realized he didn’t know how he would explain it to the famILY. He even quieted his breathing, hoping whoever it was would go away. He wasn’t so lucky.  
“Hey Deceit? We need your help real quick. Remus’s is acting erratic, well more eratic than normal and I was wondering if you could help?” Roman nervously called through the door. Deceit stayed still, hoping he’d just go away. Deceit curled up on his bed, turning away from the door, aware he couldn’t do anything about it in his state anyway.

He heard the door creak open behind him and folded in on himself just a bit. “I know you’re in here, your light is…. On” Roman’s voice faltered as his eyes found the uncharacteristically small and quiet side. “Hey are you alright?” Deceit nodded but Roman didn’t believe it for a second. He stormed over as Deceit hid his face between his legs.

“Deceit what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Deceit shook his head but refused to look up, fully aware that Roman was right in front of him. “Oh shit. Patton’s usually better at this than me. Here, I’ll get some paper. Virgil gets like this as well when he’s extra anxious you know. Here.” Roman shoves a piece of paper in front of Deceit who shook his head but still refused to look up. He felt dizzy and sick.

“Please say something. You’re freaking me out here.” Roman begged as he put his hands on Deceit’s shoulders, gripping uncomfortably tightly. Deceit tried to laugh but it came out as a whimper instead. “Are you in pain? Are you hur-Oh shit.” Deceit looked up, tears still in his eyes, displaying his handiwork to Roman. His mouth still held it's smile but his eyes were full of misery and tears. Roman froze, his face suddenly a few shades greener.

"Oh shit oh no oh fuck, Deceit what the hell happened? Who did this to you?" Deceit shook his head and pointed to himself. Roman figured it out quickly. "Of fucking course. THIS is what my brother was talking about!" Roman yelled in aggravation. He looked at Deceit, his expression a mix of anger and determination. Deceit tries to scoot back, but Roman grabs him before he could. Deceit tries to push back but Roman wrestles the snake into a forced hug tight against his chest before he ducks out to the living room. Deceit was overwhelmed by dizziness and fell limp in Roman's grip, who seamlessly picked his prone form up bridal style.

Deceit's head lolled back as he took in the scene. Remus was frantically yelling something with a startled expression on his face, arms held by Patton and Virgil. Logan stood at a distance, prepared with a first aid kit.

"And wouldn't it be fun! Just so much goddamn fun! I could make them so many colors! Blood red! Vomit green! Piss yellow! So many pretty colors with just a stitch stitch stitch!" Remus was yelling, completely fanatic. Deceit realized what was going on. Remus was feeding off of his thoughts. It was all his fault. He tried to apologize but it came out as a groin instead.

Logan looked over first and let out a slight screech at Deceit's appearance, dragging everyone else's attention to him as well. Virgil let Remus go and staggered back. Patton lets out a scream and covers his mouth. Even Remus raised a shocked eyebrow at Deceit and quieted.

"What the Hell, what happened?" Patton yelled as he rushed over. Deceit's vision started to fade as another pair of hands grabbed him, supporting his head, and rushing over to the couch. It was all too much, hands were all over him, the light was too bright, the noise was too loud. He tried to push people away, to tell them to let him go, but he couldn’t. Someone was grabbing his hands, but didn’t know who.

“I told you! I wasn’t lying, not this time at least. Anyways does anything know how to fix that? That should probably be fixed.” Remus’s voice had both an air of cherryness and terror. Deceit heard other’s speak but wasn’t quite sure what they were saying as he slowly fell unconscious on the couch, surrounded by concerned murmurs.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Deceit woke up on a bed that wasn’t his with Remus caressing his hair and the sound of him singing a lullaby in a harsh tone without any harmony. “Spider in the house, sleep sleep, spider ate the mouse, sleep sleep-”

“Remus be quiet. He’s waking up.” Logan scolded in a whisper, before looking at Deceit. “Are you in pain? Touch my shoulder if you’re in pain ok.” He quietly commanded. Deceit felt numb. He realized he was lying on a carpet, but wasn’t familiar with the room. He was exhausted, but couldn’t feel anything. He looked back at Logan and shook his head. Logan let out a soft sigh.

“Good good, we gave you some anesthetic so you shouldn’t feel anything alright?” Logan gently reached down to Deceits mouth, and Deceit realized his stitches were partly undone. He tried to open his mouth, but Logan grabbed his jaw and quickly stopped him.

“Don’t do that.” Logan practically yelled. Deceit jumped up before Remus grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back down. 

“Stay down Dee. As much as I am impressed with your work, Logan decided it needed to be removed. As pretty as they are, I find what your tongue can do far more interesting.” Remus leaned close, nose rubbing against Deceit’s with a voice not above a whisper. Logan quickly pushed him off Deceit.

“Remus really? Go tell the others he’s awake, but tell them not to come in yet. I’m not finished.” Logan scolded. Remus got the hint and left the room without protest. Logan pulled out a small knife, and looked back to Deceit.

“Deceit, just stay still alright. Touch my shoulder if it starts to hurt, but I’m going to try and make this as painless as possible.” Logan resured, carefully and slowly undoing the stitches in his mouth. It didn’t hurt but he was vaguely disturbed with how painless it was. Logan also seemed disturbed, but was careful and diligent with his work. 

Finally, Logan placed his knife to the side and pulled out the last piece of thread. “There, you should be alright now. Try saying something.” Logan smiles gently as Deceit rubs his jaw and moves it around. He opened his mouth to say ‘thank you’, but broke into a coughing fit. Logan passes him a bottle of water, which Deceit downs in only a few seconds.

“Th-thank you” He mumbled quietly.

“No problem Deceit. How do you feel?” Logan asked, a bit trepidatious.

“F-fine” He stuttered, looking down at the ground

“I am not just talking about physically, I’m talking about mentally as well. While I may not be well versed or very aware of phycological, mental, and emotional health, I am not completely oblivious as to think you are anywhere near ‘fine’ after partaking in such.. Actions” Logan lectured, then paused. “In fact, It seems like a very bad sign. One I’d… Be very hesitant in leaving you alone afterwards. So, mentally, are you ok?”

“I was just being dramatic. No need to worry, I just went too far this time.” Deceit put on a sly smile, immediately reverting back to his old ways of pretending to be the villain. It worked for years, but it didn’t seem to work now. Logan looked over him with a cold gaze and frowned.

“I believe that is a falsehood. You seemed to have attempted to hide your state from Roman, and he claims you attempted to stop him from getting help. Yes, you may have had an appeal for dramatics that I will admit I don’t quite understand, however a stunt like this seems more suiter for Remus. You’re often even more calculated than Romen in your dramatics, and he has done nothing even remotely as harmful to anyone or himself to the level that you have. This is not merely a display of dramatics as you so claim and I will not be convinced otherwise!” Logan practically started to yell at the end. Deceit curled up a little, suddenly scared. Logan realized how loud he was and calmed down, giving Deceit some space.

“I’m fine. Really, I’m ok now.” Deceit reassured. “I might have had a little ‘episode’ but I’m ok now.” Deceit smiles, but Logan frowns even deeper.

“Deceit, I won’t push but do not take me for a fool. Also, the others will be watching very closely, and they won’t wain easily. I am fully aware that is what you are trying to do, as you have done similar stunts before. I can also tell how poorly you are doing with how ineffective your technique is. Yet my criticisms are hardly what you need right now so I will relent.” Logan sighs and lends a hand out for Deceit to grab. He does, and Logan pulls him up. His vision goes black as he starts to tip over. Logan grabs him before he falls and holds him upright as he gets his vision back.

“Careful, careful, the anesthetic I gave you along with the minor blood loss may make it difficult to keep upright. Do you feel like fainting?” Logan asked.

“No I’m ok. I can stand now.” Deceit reassured, but Logan still grabbed his arm elbow anyway in case he fell. He escorted Deceit to the door, and nervously opened it to reveal the other sides waiting outside Logan’s room.

Patton shot up as the door opened and was the first person by Deceit’s side. He enveloped him in an overwhelming hug.

“Oh Dee! Are you ok? Sorry, stupid queston, come sit down on the couch.” Suddenly Deceit was dragged from Logan’s grip to the empty couch, still dizzy and a bit confused as he sat down, Patton in front of him and someone else wrapping him in a red blanket. Deceit looked behind him to see Roman was the one wrapping him up. Logan was holding a glass of water out and Virgil was sitting on the other end of the couch Deceit was on.

“W-where is Remus?” Deceit coughed out as Logan brought the glass of water to his lips. The water felt cold and Deceit had to stop himself from downing the entire thing. Just as he finished Remus popped up from the ground, startling everyone.

“Right here fuckers!” He yelled dramatically, throwing his hands up in the air, one holding a yellow robe. Deceit would have laughed if the situation was different, but Remus didn’t even seem to notice. In a quick motion he flicked the red blanket off of Deceit, wrapped him in the robe, then put the blanket back on.

“There you go Dee Dee! Like a nice toasty burrito.” Remus winked. Deceit curled up in the blankets, making himself look small. 

It took a few awkward moments before anyone spoke. Surprisingly it was Roman who broke the silence. 

“So how long did it take for me to find you?” Roman asked carefully. Deceit shrugged, but realized that wouldn’t be an acceptable answer.

“I think it took about an hour? I’m not entirely sure.” Deceit said. Surprisingly Virgil let out a hiss of pain. Patton looked shocked and even Logan paled.

“That long! Oh you poor thing!” Patton cried as he wrapped Deceit into a warm hug. Deceit was surprised, but melted into the comforting hug.

“It’s alright, it’s alright.” Deceit comforted Patton as he returned the hug, pulling out his other four arms to hug him as well. Patton pulled back a little, eyes still wet.

“No it’s not, you’re mouth was sewn shut Kiddo. That’s not ok.” Patton cried.

“I’m not a victim Patton. I did it to myself, I deserved it.” At Deceit’s words Patton stilled in shock, then stood up. Roman mumbled something in anger and left the room. Remus looked down in shame and Virgil lifted his hood to look at Deceit in shock. Logan stormed over to Deceit and took Patton’s place, crouched in front of him with a determined look in his eye.

“Falsehood. Like I have said I may not be an expert in the field of mental health but I am aware that one with poor mental health is not entirely responsible for their actions. If you were being completely logical Remus would not have had such a reaction.” Deceit curled up even more on himself. “Now I would like to know what exactly was going on in your head when you decided to partake in such actions.” Logan insisted.

“It’s hardly important.” Deceit tried to reassure, but evidently it failed. Logan did realize that Deceit wasn’t going to give him any more information, so he turned towards Remus who was currently in a perfect handstand. Logan was surprised, but undeterred.

“Remus, do you remember what intrusive thoughts started to cross your mind when your actions started to become frantic?” Logan asked, matter of factly.

“Hmm?” Remus tilted his head, then jumped from his backstand back to his feet flawlessly. “Well thoughts aren’t concrete but from what I remember… Gosh I remember Deceit thinking that if sewing his lips shut didn’t work then he would just duck out.” Remus’s smile didn’t drop but gasps were heard from the others and Deceit flinched. Logan grabbed his wrist and held tight, like he feared that Deceit would leave any second.

“No no no no no no no no. How could this happen? How could I have failed again? First Virgil, then you.” Patton mumbled to himself, hysterically. Deceit tried to sit up but Logan gripped him even harder, to the point of it hurting.

“It’s not your fault Patton. Besides, nothing bad actually happened. I’m completely unharmed, no harm no foul.” Deceit said in an attempt to calm him down. Patton turned to Deceit, looking pissed. Deceit had never seen the fatherly side looking so pissed, and was a little scared.

“No harm no foul! Nothing bad happened! You sewed your own mouth shut! You’re thinking of suicide right now! This isn’t fine! Nothing about this is fine!” Patton roared, scaring everyone. Deceit stood up, blankets still draped over his form. He was thinking of running, of locking himself in his room and never leaving again, but Remus must have realized his plan as he wrapped himself around Deceit’s arm, stopping him from fleeing.

“Patton, you’re scaring him.” Virgil finally spoke up, causing Patton to stop and look at Deceit. The anger drained out of his form as he suddenly looked tired.

“I’m sorry kiddo. You just scared me. You know we love you right?” Deceit felt a pang of guilt at Patton’s confession. He didn’t really think his loss would effect the others that much. “Are you… Still feeling suicidal?” He asked, quietly.

Deceit was tempted to lie, and was planning to as he opened his mouth, but a harsh glare from Remus stopped him. “I’m not sure.” Deceit responded quietly, looking down to avoid eye contact.

“Alright, Remus and I will go search your room for anything that could cause you any harm, if that's alright with you.” Logan didn’t really put Deceit in a position to say no so he just nodded. He heard Logan stand up and walk away, and Remus followed behind. Deceit wasn’t sure what to say so he just looked down, hoping he’d be left alone. He felt a hand tilt his chin up and met Patton’s eyes. He looked upset, his eyes filled with tears, but he still smiled. Deceit swallowed, not sure what to do.

“Kiddo, you know we care about you right? If anything happened to you…. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.” Patton started to cry “I don’t want to lose you-WE don’t want to lose you. You’re a part of the famILY, that’s not going to change anytime soon.” Patton reassured. Deceit started to cry, biting back a sob.

“I-I d-didn’t want t-to hurt y-you. I s-swear.” Deceit stutters out, shaking ever so slightly. Patton noticed, and put his arms out in a way that invited a hug. Deceit hesitated but leaned into Patton’s warm embrace. He felt so warm that Deceit let out a gasp, bringing out his other four arms to hold the father figure even tighter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Deceit repeated over and over, sobbing on Patton’s shoulder. The older side ran his fingers through his hair in a comforting manor, quietly shushing him and rocking a little side to side.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t worry, don’t worry. Shush, shush, just let us help you alright? We just want to help.” Patton let him sob, comforting him till he stopped crying. Deceit slumped against his father, both physically and mentally exhausted.

“I’m so sorry” He said one more time. Virgil handed him a bottle of water, which he downed eagerly. Virgil spoke next.

“Dee, I'm still not sure how someone as smart as you could be so stupid." Virgil said casually, earning a glare from Patton, but he continued. "You always used to have to convince me that I was loved, that I was needed. You know that applies to you right? We love you, we care for you, we just want you to be happy. Hiding your emotions always makes it worse. Believe me, I would know."

Deceit laughed a little, tears still dripping down his cheeks. Roman passed him a handkerchief, which he used to wipe his tears. 

“I guess that was pretty stupid huh?” Deceit jokes.

“Nonsense!” Roman spoke up “Unless you ask Logan of course, but he thinks everyone's stupid.” Roman’s voice boomed, before he knelt down to join the hug. Deceit couldn't help but let out a gasp of surprise and lean into the warmth.

“In all seriousness we do care for you. If there was any great beast ailing you that I could fight I would do it in a heartbeat, and I’m so sorry it’s not that simple.” Deceit never stopped crying as Virgil knelt down into the hug. Deceit found this odd, because usually Virgil hated hugs.

“Alright, Let me into the snake pile.” Virgil wrapped his arms around Deceit and the others, holding surprisingly strong. Deceit was so overwhelmed he started to sob again. He tried to speak but couldn’t, tried to pull back but his famILY held him tightly.

“You’re gonna be ok Dee.” Patton reassured, whispering in Deceit’s ear. “I know it’s not okay right now, but it will be.” Deceit didn’t detect any lies on the father figure, and even started to believe it himself. He wasn’t ok, he hasn’t been for awhile. But maybe one day he could be.


End file.
